We Need Our Feelings Self Help Articles | October 25 John Elway Broncos Jersey , 2004 Do you struggle with knowing and ... how you feel? If you do, you are not alone. It may be the most common problem there is, and yet the single most ... thing to learn. Our feelings are im
Do you struggle with knowing and accepting how you feel? If you do, you are not alone. It may be the most common problem there is, and yet the single most important thing to learn. Our feelings are important because they help us to know ourselves, to be real, and to connect deeply with other people. Almost every psychological problem relies on some distortion or denial of feelings.
For example, people who struggle with intimacy in relationships are often afraid of feeling vulnerable with another person -- it scares or overwhelms them. People who have substance abuse problems may be using drugs or alcohol to numb their feelings and painful experiences. People who self-injure are often trying to numb or push away intense feelings. Most problems involve denying Dre'Mont Jones Youth Jersey , avoiding, and hiding feelings and the solution always involves accepting feelings.
The Problem with Denying, Avoiding, and Hiding Feelings
The problem with denying, avoiding, and hiding one's feelings is evident everywhere, from the boy who won't let himself cry for fear of being called a "sissy", so he punches someone instead Drew Lock Youth Jersey , to the girl who's afraid to express her anger clearly and directly for fear she'll be seen as being "like a boy" so she instead gossips cruelly about her peers, or turns her anger on herself. We can see it in the man who's afraid of saying how he feels for fear of sounding "gay, so instead buries himself in his work and neglects his partner, and in the woman who can't say "no" because she fears conflict, so she ends up resenting her friends. We even see it in our heads of states who don't acknowledge their vulnerability and fears, and instead act aggressively and violently. We live in a world that is intolerant of authentic feelings, and this hurts us all.
People who do show their feelings are often put down and told they are "too sensitive," "over- reacting Dalton Risner Youth Jersey ," "emotional," and not "objective," while people who hide their emotions are viewed as "strong," "confident," "logical," and "objective." While these differences can be expressed along gender lines, women are increasingly expected to hide or deny their emotions, and many men experience a lack of acceptance when they do express their vulnerability.
When people are put down for expressing their feelings Noah Fant Youth Jersey , they may find that their feelings heighten or escalate because they feel invalidated and unheard; there's a natural tendency to feel more emotional when you haven't been heard. They may also learn to suppress and deny their feelings by distancing and numbing themselves. When people are rewarded for masking their emotions, they often end up feeling unseen, alienated, angry, and depressed without knowing why; their lives may look good but they feel empty or unfulfilled because they are cut off from their emotions.
What Do You Feel?
You can get to know your feelings simply by sitting quietly with your eyes closed or looking downward, and tuning inward. Shifting your attention inward helps you to sense what is going on inside of you. We can get so caught up in what we're doing, what we're talking about, or what other people are doing Royce Freeman Youth Jersey , that we forget to notice ourselves.
If, when you tune inward, you don't notice anything, try doing a body scan. Lie down comfortably and take the time to notice how you feel in different areas of your body. Start with your head, and work your way down to your toes, or focus on the areas that most draw your attention. Notice how you feel physically in each area of your body. Do you notice any tension, cramping, numbness Courtland Sutton Youth Jersey , or anything else?
Notice what, if anything, comes to your mind when you focus on each area of your body. For example, does a memory come to mind, a thought, an image, an emotion? Just notice what comes to you without judging or thinking about it, and then move on to the next area of your body. Try not to analyze what comes up Bradley Chubb Youth Jersey , because that will take you out of your body and your emotions.
Some people find that by noticing the natural rhythm of their breath, they feel more tuned into their body and emotions, and some people find that doing this triggers panic and fear. If it's comfortable for you, notice how your body rises and falls with your breath. Observing your breath can not only help you to tune inward, but can also help you to unwind.
Taking time to tune into yourself every day goes a long way toward helping you to know how you feel. You can do this almost anywhere, including sitting on the bus, waiting for the light to turn green, sitting in a traffic jam Phillip Lindsay Youth Jersey , sitting on the toilet, and so on. o true that not everyone can hear our feelings, or wants to. Even when people want to listen they may want to decide when and how much they can listen to at any one time. This can be hard to deal with Joe Flacco Youth Jersey , especially if you've recently learned that it's good to talk about your feelings. You may feel silenced or controlled by not being able to talk about your feelings -- and the other person can also feel controlled by being expected, or having to listen to them.
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